Is That Mustache Really Necessary? - Part II

January 04, 2011

My most popular post in the history of Silents & Talkies is my Is That Mustache Really Necessary? post, and understandably. It's like a car accident -- you just can't look away. The mustaches are all so fascinatingly horrible, you just sit there mesmerized by the hairy hideousness of it all.

And so for the last year or so I've been stock-piling bad mustaches for a follow up post one day. Ladies and gents, that day has arrived. And it's not pretty.

A quick disclaimer, before you dive into the facial hair festivities: this is all in fun, so if your favorite actor is in here sporting a 'stache that you found particularly becoming, please don't have a hissy fit in the comments. I included my beloved Dirk Bogarde in the last round, so it's all good ;-D

Here we go!

I don't think I'd want to dance cheek to cheek
with Fred if he's going to look like this!

Not the worst offender of this batch,
but still .. the goatee is a tad pathetic, no?


This one just makes me giggle. He looks so silly, doesn't he?!

Noooooooooo! Robert Redford, my love. You're too
delectably handsome to cover that face with a porn 'stache.

I half expect him to whip off his mustache
and kill me with it.

I don't even ...

Going to let this one slide, just because he's older. If Bill
had rocked a mustache in Picnic, that would be different.
And illegal.

I know I'm the only person who thinks James Mason
wasn't a slimy cradle-robber, but I'll be the first to admit
I wouldn't let my kids around him with this mustache.

It's tragic to cover up this face, right?
Yet.. I think he could have had tattoos of
Tyrone Power* on both cheeks & he'd still look fetching ;-D

*If you follow me on twitter or have ever read a post on Classic
Forever, you know I'm not a huge fan..

No, I don't want to buy a vacuum cleaner, now please leave me alone!

Aww, poor Rock. Mustache bringing you down?

YE GADS!!! You know, everyone thought I was nuts when I
included Rod Taylor in my list of old Hollywood crushes.
Maybe this is the only picture of him that they'd seen..

Maybe Mr. Chips would have married earlier if he'd
picked up the razor once in a while.. just saying...


My undying love for Frank Sinatra leaves me unable to
critique his little upper-lip peach fuzz.

Cute boyish face + mustache = *scrubs eyes*

James Cagney is the only repeat from my last list,
only because I found this new photo in which the
eyebrows are just as puzzling as the mustache.

Neither Jean Paul Belmondo or Maurice Chevalier should
have ever been allowed to grow facial hair. Did young
children run away in horror? I think so.

I know it's for a role, but please. It had to be included.

Ditto on the "for a role" thing, but LOL.

Robert Redford, I take it back. THIS is a porn 'stache.

Confession: I actually think this one is cute, in a Victorian sort of way..

Peter McEnery's evil twin.

George Sanders thinks the mustache & monocle will make him
appear intelligent and discerning, but I'd be clutching my
purse tightly as he passed by..

And I leave you with one more George Sanders, sporting not only
a hideous mustache but a beard and false bushy eyebrows, to boot! Ka-pow!


NoirGirl said...

MWHAHAHAAAA KATE - You have been unwittingly tricked by a Ty film!! That last George Sanders photo is from The Black Swan!! ;D In that role, George has an accent to match the inventive facial hair. First time I saw the film, it took me 15 minutes to realize it was him!

But back to the point, isn't it so weird how mustaches ruin gorgeously handsome faces?

And hey - where is that Peter photo you found the other day?!

kate gabrielle said...

LOL! Actually I knew it was from The Black Swan, because I saw him in the previews on TCM.. that's when I went hunting for a screencap ;-D

I forgot about the Peter photo, thanks!! Going to go find it now & add it to the list!

Millie said...

I loved this post so much!

OH MY GOSH! Everything!

Fred: I don't even know.

"but I'll be the first to admit
I wouldn't let my kids around him with this mustache."


Oh my gosh, Rock Hudson's mustache always makes me laugh so hard. It's difficult to watch McMillan and Wife actually...

Of course whenever see Rock with mustache I hear Carol Burnett saying: I NEVER GOT OVER THAT! (After Harvey says "You got ever Rock Hudson shaving off his mustache...")


And Frank's mustache is ALWAYS too hysterical...

AND AHHHH! It's Bobby's "Bob Darin" 'stache. SO FRIGHTENING.

Um, is James Cagney sitting in front of a swastika?! This IS puzzling! ;-D

WHOA. I seriously think Marcello's is the worst. Wow.


Oh. Wow. This is a long and useless comment.


It made me happy. Haha!

Millie said...


Millie said...

There are so many spelling errors in my comment!

*over Rock Hudson

*didN'T recognize George

Sarah Mann said...

I literally laughed out loud throughout this entire thing!!

1) Dustin's looks like it was photoshopped on
2) Rock looks like somebody's dad
3) Bobby Darin's OH MY EYES
4) MARLON omg nearly split my gut open laughing at that one
5) Peter........I can't

Elizabeth said...

Fred Astaire with a moustache?? *scrubs brain with bleach*

Terence Towles Canote said...

I don't know. I kind of like Robert Redford and Sean Connery's moustaches. Now the rest... *shudders*

Flapper Flickers + Silent Stanzas said...

I love you for including Buster's Ned Flanders soup-strainer. LOL at this entire post! =D

DKoren said...

Hahah! Great second collection! These are so fun to check out. Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra's... oy, they hurt! But I do like Sean Connery's moustache. He's a man who looks better with facial hair than without, I think. :-D And I always liked Robert Redford with one too, probably because the first thing I ever saw him in was Butch Cassidy, so the moustache imprinted on me. LOL!

Who's the guy on the boat with the "Robert Redford, I take it back..." quote? I don't recognize him.

CagneyFan said...

What a great follow up to your mustachio post from last year. So Cagney made the list twice. What strikes me as hilarious about the new post is that so many of the 'staches are just so WOOLLY. As in caterpillars. That pic of Frank is . . . something. And Fred---say it ain't so. Van Hefflin, LOL. Is this THE FEMININE TOUCH? He looked like a beatnik. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Just sayin. And the color photo of Geo Sanders: not sure I'd even recognize him w/o the caption. Scary! Great post.

kate gabrielle said...

Deb - That's Marcello Mastroianni :-)

QUB English Society said...


Seriously is no other word for this post. ;-P

Kelley said...

Have you ever noticed how so many mustaches look like upside down eye brows?? I mean look at Cagney's.... crazy

LOVE this post

Carrie said...

I love it!!

Unknown said...

shave shave shave!
Happy New Year!

xoxo from rome

Jennythenipper said...

Ha, I love the picture from Black Swan. This is the image I get in my head every time someone talks about that Natalie Portman movie.

Feta said...

Every time I hear Maurice Chevalier singing "Thank Heaven for Little Girls," I will think of that photo of him. And I will shudder.

Anonymous said...

This is too too funny!

I've always had a strange attraction for both James Mason and Rod Taylor but I agree, they look very creepy with mustaches!

I really think the worst is Frank Sinatra though, or Rex Harrison lol. I love your little quips to go with them too :)

ALD1296 said...

AHAHAHAHAH! This is the funniest thing I have read in awhile XD

Mr_Sheldrake said...

Dustin Hoffman's stache isn't quite as impressive as the fact that he can fly! That's amazing!

Lucky said...

WTF is wrong with all you people posting such whiny comments about men who want to exercise their right to grow their whiskers? It's no different than you dames growing you fingernails clear to the moon & painting them fluorescent orange! You disgust me.